Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
