Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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