i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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