Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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