Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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