So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
