You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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