she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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