So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
