I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
