I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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