so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
