Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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