So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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