Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
