how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize