shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize