glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
