Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
