omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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