I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
