I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
