i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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