she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
