There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
