between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
