It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
