C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Screwed.edu
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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