You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
