What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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