Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
