The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
