it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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