No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
