i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
