Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
