I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
