If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
