Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize