it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
