i was born a porn star she said
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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