What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
