Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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