Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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