Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
