Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
