I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
