It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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