Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
