i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
