we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
