why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
