I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
