Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
