Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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