if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
