He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
