we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
