I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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