wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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