Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
