and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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