Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
