It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
