Can i not drive my cunt home
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
