i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
