nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
