Cold hands, warm shart.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
