our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
