He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
