Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
