He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
