i will never coherently bang her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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