I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're like the curious george of whores
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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