my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
