Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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